goodbye, i

i have overwhelming amounts of thoughts right now.. enough to compel me to make a blog post (and i have not done that in a while)

theres been a lot going on
but i'll try to keep these events and thoughts short and not go too in-depth.

- Listener played at my house ( http://www.myspace.com/listener ). amazing. (Y'ALL EVER BEEN TO ARKANSAS?)
- montreal is a very sweet place
- dumpster diving field day: lite-brite, perfection, weeders, a hose, basket, canned beans, box of oreos, packaged sheets/pillows/blankets, some fruit, boxes of hallmark cards, lotion, 30+ cans of rockstar energy drinks, curtain things, chocolate.. more stuff i can't even keep track of. its amazing what gets thrown out and whats available to claim.
- i like bicycles and rooftops a lot
- i like living on my own a lot
- i just finished recording Old Homes and i'm currently mixing.. keep updated at http://www.myspace.com/oldhomes
- i decided that if i was going to drink for the first time in 7 months, i might as well do it right. i had 7 shots in 35 seconds. it was downhill from there. i had a few beers the same week but i've already decided that its not worth my time or money to continue with
- i decided that if i was going to smoke a cigarette for the first time in 10 months, i might as well do it right. i taped together 12 cigarettes and smoked them at the same time. it was downhill from there. they got smoked all the way to the filter .. im the boss amirite. but no, cigarettes are not worth my time or money either and i don't plan on being a smoker.
- been thinking of tattoos a lot .. also thinking about how i don't have a job to afford them
- my friend offered to pay for a nipple piercing for me. i hate cheese nip piercings. guys with nipple piercings are losers and i don't think its sexy on girls (well sometimes it is). alas, i accepted the offer and have a bar through my right nipple.
- silver mt zion played in toronto and i bawled to the song God Bless Our Dead Marines
- rumi is a great poet, two of my favourite stories i've read recently are Dervish at the Door (read at http://harpers.org/archive/2008/03/hbc-90002732) and Nasuh (read at http://www.stumbleupon.com/group/rumi/forum/50264/)
- im broke and amazed at how efficient i live. i hardly use utilities or produce garbage and i eat just about nothing. probably not the best but you know, savin' the bank account.
- looking forward to cornerstone in gratuitous amounts
- looking forward to watching isis' last show in montreal <3>
- saw some dude almost die at the Red Bull Air Races in windsor.. his plane was skipping across the water. what a champ.
- im helping paint this building thats been vacant for about 25 years. it used to be a TD bank. its got a vault in the basement and the other day we found a dead bird's carcass . good things might be happening for me here but i'll keep my mouth shut in case i hype something that isn't going to happen
- i absolutely love cooking and eating with friends
- once i blogged about this time that i refused communion and cried because of what i thought that meant for me. today i decided i wanted to partake in communion and , again, cried. i realized i am fragile and emotional and i love to cry. its a good feeling. on the other hand im a walking vagina. thats okay. i took a walk afterwards and have been anti-social since. i have been thinking a lot.. and at other times completely empty of thought, at which times i feel like im experiencing a hint of what could be peace in my heart.
- i feel like i could live my life without being married
- i get angry easy
- i find that i only really find happiness in purity . part of my depression and dissatisfaction to who i am is because i am truly a dickwad to a lot of people.i need to find peace, i need to learn what loving enemies is really about, and what forgiveness is all about. i want to empty myself of impurities. even in language. or what i think when i look at someone. no more selfishness. it sure is a difficult task

so much to say but i'm too tired to even revise my spelling right now, peace be with you, im sorry for who i am

im gonna change i swear

1 comment:

  1. Never be sorry. Every person is always lovely, at their best and even at their worst. We're all human.

    You sound like you're having an excellent summer. :)