i'm pissed and worried and miss so many things on this particular day
as usual things are ups and downs with me and i'm still convinced i'm bi-polar or whatever. but generally things of late have been well. i'm sure its been over 2 weeks since i've posted something here and obviously a lot has happened but not much that anyone would want to hear as it mostly involves really ordinary things like school, being stupid on chatroulette with people, and going home to spend time with family/friends (all of which are awesome...)
well there are a few things that have happened that were really wicked but i've been too lazy to write about it. generally i've just really come to realize i love to see honest and genuine people. i'd love to share a bit about it.
theres this one guy.. this old man.
i was at City Plaza downtown london with my friends Adriana and Madi. (most thursdays a couple people get together at city plaza to discuss whatever we're thinking and it usually ends up in some sort of discussion about spirituality or economics or environment or anarchism or whatever, you name it. you're welcome to come.... ) we were just chillin, shreddin' the banjo like usual, talking etc and theres this sweet sweet old man asking us to play songs and stuff. i didn't think much of it, but Adriana and Madi talked to him before i got there. he showed them pictures of his wife who was diagnosed with cancer, and he said "52 years we've been married, and everyday a honeymoon." he said, "marriage is spelt L-O-V-E, not S-E-X." His wife wanted to watch figure skating but he wanted to watch hockey.. so he just booked it over to City Plaza and let his wife have the TV at home to herself...... what a freaking sweetheart!!! seriously. that to me is just so genuine and awesome and loving. its not that these couples don't exist anywhere, i've seen tons of wicked married couples but not this old and this content. cool dude in my books.
after that we went to the Streetlight bus which is parked outside of some church (on what i believe are on Tuesdays and Thursdays??). i'm not entirely familiar with what Streetlight does but i know they are a street outreach program. they provide strangers with food and warmth, they sing songs of praise and worship, and have a sermon , etc. i swear as soon as we got on that bus i started crying. i felt the tears coming and was like Adriana i feel like i'm going to cry, and a tear went down my face. and then i was like MAN UP and i wiped that tear and completely stopped crying. almost instantaneously. i didn't like the thought of crying in front of people even if it was in an atmosphere where it was totally okay to. so i manned up. but it didn't last long. i looked around and saw the eyes of the homeless, and looked again and realized everyone was singing together, and it was just so beautiful that i let go of all of my self-worth and cried hard. well i particularly feel really bad for Madi because i've only hung out with her twice and both times i've cried. she must think i'm a giant walking vagina. its just ive removed myself from church because theres so much i don't like about it but when i see something like this that is so authentic and beautiful, it makes me re-evaluate everything. its different from church. i can't describe it, it leaves me speechless. where i stand spiritually right now is an entire other thing that i won't get into but for now we'll call it "something between agnosticism and christianity and buddhism?" with a giant question mark at the end.
i went hitchhiking this week with Mike. he hung out in newmarket for two nights while i was there. we went to Tito's Pizza which he thought was "okay" which i can only conclude that he is a failure at life and a worthless human being because Tito's Pizza makes only the best pizza in the world hands down. we also went dumpster diving and found our friends a toaster since they didn't have one in their new home. anyway, hitchhiking. its funny actually.. my roommates mom saw us, and one of my friends texted me saying they passed us while on the greyhound. it was colder and wetter than i thought which makes it a lot less fun and we were running on one hours sleep which made it sort of miserable. but its still fun. amazing right? the hospitality of people you meet while hitchhiking is amazing. i love getting in that car and seeing what people have to say. its fun, especially when you get the sketchbags, which we definitely got at least one of. i could write about the time i went by myself in the summer which was possibly the best day of my life, (no joke.. best day) but i'll save it for another time.
today i went to a conference regarding intentional community at a library in some unfamiliar (and awesome) part of town. people discussed their experiences with intentional community, especially the hardships involved, and how others could get started. my plans right now are to go to vancouver after school with Mike to start one of these communes up and neither of us are sure whats going to happen but its really what i want to do with my life more than anything, even music. it was sweet to hear from others. i like to hear from people who have something going on thats more than blind living (not that we're all blind or misled). i think intentional community is something that you have to be very committed to do but very rewarding for those within it. where i am now im sure most my neighbours hate me (probably the parties?). well i adore one particular set of neighbours who have met any need that we've asked of them and they are really sweet. they provide us with tools and go out of their way to help us out. these other guys are not very appreciative and don't make much effort to engage with us. the only time ive ever seen them really be nice towards me is when the husband caught me shovelling their driveway. i would love to get to know my neighbours here more but its harder than i thought. i would like to see community. i would like to see a community of communities. we'll see what happens.
i'm often reminded of the quote "if you're thinking, you're winning" (flobots??). i'm not going to tell you what to do but here are some of the things i've seen that i really like and if you like it too then learn from it. love your partner selflessly (love your enemies selflessly even), sing songs to each other and discuss whatever you are most ashamed of with a melting heart, pick up hitchhikers or provide any sort of hospitality to strangers, share your tools with your neighbours, get to know them. meet needs of the community. love, genuinely.
also, im getting rid of my clothes, maybe you should buy some from me. oh and the "giant walking vagina" thing, i hope i don't offend anyone, its totally not the right thing to say and is definitely misogynist, but you know.
how much of your time did i waste on this one?