I feel that there isn't much for me to say during a time that I don't leave my house for anything but school.
In such, a bittersweet experience.
I never thought that I'd grow to love school but I do.
But I'm at school more than I'm at home and have gotten used to never sleeping.
Coming home at sunrise everyday is one of the best feelings.
It always has been.
In earlier days, I would be hanging out with friends and strangers in summer nights talking about anything with melting hearts. Strong, deep hearts. And then walking home towards the sunrise listening to the Psalters.
Its sort of like that now except I stay up all night talking about music gear and software, and staring at a lifeless screen for hours. I enjoy it but not as much as I'd rather talk about life things. I'd rather talk about what I like about people or what little hope I have for the world or why I feel down or why I like to stay up. I'd rather hear a story or an explanation about something or plans for a better world. I'd rather hear about crazy ideas. I'd rather not feel so inadequate next to the other people in my program. I'd rather not be so redundant and base my life within a computer screen. I'd rather be outside.
I was biking home from school a few days ago around 9am and the sunshine and smell of spring's beginnings made me really happy. My mood is often reflective of the weather.
On the contrary, I was biking home a few days ago barefoot at 5am in the dark, pouring rain and felt more content than ever.
I just want to bike alone forever at my own pace.
I went to Toronto last night for Graham's birthday. A bunch of us went to see Weedeater and Black Tusk play at the Annex Wreckroom. It was one of the best show experiences of my life. We got to hang out with them after the show, and of course I love to see my friends. I reaaally do! This morning, my parents and I helped my brother move into his new apartment in Toronto. I have come to realize my parents are getting old, and for some reason every time I see my parents or my brother I just want to hug them and cry. I have no reason to really. I guess I just feel we're a really broken family. A lot of it is my fault.
I saw a dead pig today. It was whole. And huge. Some dude was walking into a restaurant with it. Casually. To be cut up and sold. I can't really describe how I felt about it but it left me feeling pretty empty.
I have my Silver Mt Zion and Gogol Bordello tickets in my pocket and summer is fast approaching.. its enough to make me happy!